'cus 17catherines sed she wus ordring MEAT and I thort I shuld get sum so I emaeled her and askd her for sum.

And I ask Mum to drop an envelop at 17catherines' place 'cus I'm not allowed there 'cause of her nasty rotten KATZ but I wish I had becus wen Mum went there there wus a CHIKN on the veranda and it wus just SITTING THER and I CULDNT CHASE IT cus I WASNT THER!

But Im still getting MEAT! ARF!

Also known as "NewSquirt". Not sure why. Haven't squirted in ages. And only upstairs, where it doesn't matter.

One year here, just last week. One year since I was brought in to teach this Geriatric Grunter some manners. Things like:

"If it's food, it's mine."

"If it's a beanbag, it's mine."

"If it's scritchels from a human, they're mine."

He's learning. Slowly. Not bad for an old fart. But while his barks are annoying, mine are the ones that get the humans up at 4am. Heh.

Put on a bit of weight since I got here, but the humans aren't leaving food out for me on the table like they used to. Also, they insist that I have the Boring Dry Food in the mornings. Maybe if I keep acting enthusiastic they'll change it to something interesting. Like chicken.

Current eating record: 350g of fresh chicken in 5 seconds.

I can beat that. But they won't let me try.

Oh well. There's a local cat keeps thinking that it can walk along our fence like it owns it. Time I went to teach it otherwise. Later!

I luves bacon, and all my friends, but reely most of us dont kno eah other. So I want u to ask me sumthing u shuld kno about me. Sumthing that shuld be obveeos but u hav no idea about.

Then post this in ur jurnal and find out what pepul don't kno about u. Liek how handsome I am.

Well I dont have Catracks but my eyes are getting tired 'cause I'm not reely a puppy.

But I can still see enuff to grab Mum's breakfast if she looks away too long! Heh!

I don't know why Mum keeps moving the table so I bump into it, and the other day I went to jump onto their bed and she'd put a CAGE at the end of it that I'm CERTAIN was never there before! And then when we went to the park Thumbdude and LittleWalkLady got lost and I had to run around for AGES before I found them again.

And today Mum took me to the VET who says I have lost LOTS of wate (see, I told you I was hungry) and she kept shining a lite in my eyes and poking her finger at me and dropping cotton wool balls and Mum said I was a VERY GOOD DOGGIE but then she said I have CATRACKS and I'm confused. Does this mean I have a pair of cats on my back? NOOOOOOO!

And she says I have to go on a trip near to fluidsparkles's place and see a speshul doctor who's going to see if my brane does anything when I see things.

Then I got LOTS of cuddles.

'cause they gave me a new collar that SMELLS like that SQUIRTY STUFF Mum uses in the hallway after NewSquirt craps there.

And she's put the new collar on ME and I smell like SWEET and SICKLY ICKY NICE so I spent AGES rolling upside down on the carpet to try and GET RID OF IT.

And she says the collar is to calm me down and stop me barking.

So I decided to start BARKING and BARKING and hey is that DINNER?

HAH! He'll never be as cute as ME! *WOOF*

So teh othur day i went to a place with alot of dogs and there weres two that mum made me say hello to but she dident like it when i showed them im top dog. Humens are so silly somtimes.

But today walk boy gets the leash but febore i can say "OH BOY A W-A-L-K" hes gone away.

Then they comes back

AND THEY HAVE ANOTHER DOG WITH THEM.

and hes walking through my house and hes drinking from my watter bowl and hes taken my blanket and HE ALMOST TOOK MY BEEN BAG.

*grumblewoof*

I hope he doesnt take my jurnal too...

So Mum took me in the CAR and we went to a place with SMELLZ and OTHER DOGGIES - and then she LEFT ME THERE AND THEY MADE ME HAVE A BATH and they CUT OFF ALL MY FUR. (But at least now I'm not as miserably hot as I used to be).

But then MUM took me to ANOTHER PLACE because the BATH people said I had a LUMP, and the NEW PLACE had SMELLZ and CATS and DOGGIES and NOMMIES.

But then the NEW PLACE LADY felt my TUMMY and my LEGS and my BACK and she said that I was SKINNY around the TUMMY! Then she said sumthing about loving my HANDLES.

And Mum got really annoyed with me and said I'm not allowed any more SNAX.

And that's just MEAN.

*sulk*

Also Mum says I've started TWEETING but I think that was just the cheese sauce I had last night.